CUNT.

I am still embarrassed about spelling "division" incorrectly on my own damned blog. I'm an idiot, and if you spotted it before and didn't think to tell me, you're a cuntfuckingballsackface. I get excited about shit and miss words or letters or characters, and I nearly always start excited conversations mid-sentence as I deem it sufficient to start it in my head first. English second language, yo.

1) I politely told married dad to quit being an idiot and not fuck up the goodness he has around him. I doubt he thought twice about it other than to maybe consider that he got let off lightly. I'm many things, but Married Dad Thief is not one of those things.

2) I'm hanging out with a pretty cool dude. Mutual friends have been trying to set us up for ages which made us avoid each other all the more, but we went to dinner and watched The King of Kong and realised that we're pretty fucking hilarious. We hung out in a park and I kicked dandelions. We traipsed through a rainforest singing the themesong to Super Mario Bros. level 1 and both shifted to level 2 as soon as we got to jumping rocks over falls. We wrote "failed" on some rich kid's hand-drawn Learner plate and made future plans to burn down a thatched fence. He's very thin. It took me a while to realise that I can't force-feed the guy and taper jeans aren't always a choice. No clingy. Just hangy. Alright.

3) I am severely missing my best friend in the whole wide world.

4) I have rad friends. I am, in comparison, a pretty shit one. HOWEVER. If you're in my house, I will look after you. This makes me happy. I am, after all, a gent.

Fuck.

Honestly. I am so close to just cutting off my genitals and collecting terminally ill cats to replace my non-mound in protest of the severe lack of moral fibre in my general social area.

I'm not looking for much, but not (according to Facebook and photos) happily married to a stunning woman with two gorgeous infant children. I should've known when I openly rejected him and he backed down immediately, proceeding to engage me with superfriendly banter. Sonofabitch. I have not always been so ethically righteous, but that sort of duplicity seems so... evil.

I don't play sloppy seconds, ever. Unless it's Mark.

PS.

My wallet was found. In Concord. I haven't been to Concord in donkey's years!

I highly doubt my cashola is still there, but it's a nice story anyway:

One friendly-but-elderly Armaguard driver spotted a Vodafone bag sitting next to an ANZ EFTPOS terminal somewhere in Concord and took a look inside, finding my wallet with its cardological contents inside. He rang a local teller friend and asked her to contact me directly at work, as I am/was an ANZ customer.

She told me that while she worked in Concord she lived in Thornleigh, which is about a 5-minute drive from my 'hood. She offered to drive it over to me once she has the wallet in her possession. When I asked if there was any money inside, she apologised for not asking her friend but would let me know as soon as she could. I was advised not to cancel my cards, but it was too late. My phone's still missing but that's ok - the screen was cracked, I had no credit in it at the time it left me, and there were too many people I didn't like who knew the number and rang often.

I'm just happy to have my wallet found. Very pleased with ANZ customer service. The money probably won't be there, but shit - it beats having to line up at the RTA watching someone's zits erupt in front of me while red deli-numbers click by at the speed of a retiree on downers anyday.