7

years is a long time. I spent most of today reflecting on who I was and what I believed in and it's the closest I feel to regret. It was also the second biggest thing to happen in my life and is almost a direct consequence of the first. Neither are hardly the best, but the best came out of them and everything I did, do, or will do is connected. Which is why I dedicate today to reflection. There is nothing else.

I thought I'd be able to deal with work if nobody new what today means to me, but I am finishing my shift now and can barely hold it together. I woke up happy and grateful, but snapped it at a patient who was too nosy. He's always nosy. I feel bad for telling him to piss off, but I don't feel like I should have to explain why I'm not smiling today. I really feel like I'm stuck in a Seven Stages washer/dryer. It's been manageable in parts, exhausting in some, but mainly painful.

I am thankful and I'm learning to let a lot of it go, but the hurt never goes away.

CUNT.

I am still embarrassed about spelling "division" incorrectly on my own damned blog. I'm an idiot, and if you spotted it before and didn't think to tell me, you're a cuntfuckingballsackface. I get excited about shit and miss words or letters or characters, and I nearly always start excited conversations mid-sentence as I deem it sufficient to start it in my head first. English second language, yo.

1) I politely told married dad to quit being an idiot and not fuck up the goodness he has around him. I doubt he thought twice about it other than to maybe consider that he got let off lightly. I'm many things, but Married Dad Thief is not one of those things.

2) I'm hanging out with a pretty cool dude. Mutual friends have been trying to set us up for ages which made us avoid each other all the more, but we went to dinner and watched The King of Kong and realised that we're pretty fucking hilarious. We hung out in a park and I kicked dandelions. We traipsed through a rainforest singing the themesong to Super Mario Bros. level 1 and both shifted to level 2 as soon as we got to jumping rocks over falls. We wrote "failed" on some rich kid's hand-drawn Learner plate and made future plans to burn down a thatched fence. He's very thin. It took me a while to realise that I can't force-feed the guy and taper jeans aren't always a choice. No clingy. Just hangy. Alright.

3) I am severely missing my best friend in the whole wide world.

4) I have rad friends. I am, in comparison, a pretty shit one. HOWEVER. If you're in my house, I will look after you. This makes me happy. I am, after all, a gent.

Fuck.

Honestly. I am so close to just cutting off my genitals and collecting terminally ill cats to replace my non-mound in protest of the severe lack of moral fibre in my general social area.

I'm not looking for much, but not (according to Facebook and photos) happily married to a stunning woman with two gorgeous infant children. I should've known when I openly rejected him and he backed down immediately, proceeding to engage me with superfriendly banter. Sonofabitch. I have not always been so ethically righteous, but that sort of duplicity seems so... evil.

I don't play sloppy seconds, ever. Unless it's Mark.