Look at banner, Michael!

Received this in my email from the ex-hub, Jerkface. His co-worker received this from an overseas client, and the request has absolutely nothing to do with what their company does. Being an avid Arrested Development fan, I couldn't help but laugh aloud.

"Hello customer, i will to make an enquiry of some Banner,the type of banner i will like from you is vinyl and the size i want is 32"x60" and what i want the banner to say is (Love one Another).The color of Background i want it to be Yellow and the text to be somehow Red.So can you please get me some price for a Quantity of 60 banners and please advise me the Payment method you do accept and also how long will it take you before getting me those banners for pickup to be Schedule.Please adivse to my email as soon as you recieved this email.Thank You Very Much.RegardsBishop. John"

Yep. This post is mostly for me. I'm off on school hols with The Kid, it's been a trip. Will post later.

FACTUN:

I am going to knit the biggest, fattest, most awesome scarf in all the land. When I am done, it will generate enough heat to melt both Antarctica's polar ice caps and hearts by the time I'm done with it.

FACT NUMBER DOS: I hate the cold. Fuck you, Holy Superfriends. You did not think of this jungle monkey. Or, if you did, you were powered by hate. I'm onto you.

Guess what's not awesome?

1) The Might Boosh. Yeah, not finding the funneh. The moon is indeed an alabaster retard, Nabu has abnormal lips that make me feel like I'm watching Amazing Medical Stories with no happy ending, and the gothy guy looks terminally ill. What the fuck sort of muppet are you to laugh at a terminally ill person? Look. I cannot, for the non-terminally-ill life of me, remember what his character's name is because I am far too busy being emotionally torn between weeping and vomiting. Aaaand, Old Gregg is heinous. Yes, that's a big FUCK YOU to Mighty Boosh fans.

There's nothing wrong with me. I just prefer Black Books and being alive.



2) Old people on stamps with no mention of Lady Sonia McMahon or Ita Buttrose. Received new boxes of postage stamps from Australia Post last week and had to wait until today to run out of the anatomically-creepeh stamps of orchids (tak, tak, vaginzzzz) before I got to open AUSTRALIAN LEGENDS OF PHILANTHROPY. This (stamps, not vagina) excites me because I am a nerd and thoroughly enjoy office-ness. So imagine my fuck-off surprise when I open the hotly anticipated AUSTRALIAN LEGENDS OF PHILANTHROPY box to find a grand total of FOUR (4) different stamps in ONE (1) box of ONE HUNDRED (100). Victor and Loti Smorgon have to share a stamp, so there could've been FIVE (5). What the hell? Now. Is it just me or are the numbers here pretty lame?

Psst. None of them are hot. Bring back the fuschia 'ginz. Lord knows Sonz McMah needs all the publicity she can get, just fluff her up and spray her with oil so she looks perpetually moist and puckery.

7

years is a long time. I spent most of today reflecting on who I was and what I believed in and it's the closest I feel to regret. It was also the second biggest thing to happen in my life and is almost a direct consequence of the first. Neither are hardly the best, but the best came out of them and everything I did, do, or will do is connected. Which is why I dedicate today to reflection. There is nothing else.

I thought I'd be able to deal with work if nobody new what today means to me, but I am finishing my shift now and can barely hold it together. I woke up happy and grateful, but snapped it at a patient who was too nosy. He's always nosy. I feel bad for telling him to piss off, but I don't feel like I should have to explain why I'm not smiling today. I really feel like I'm stuck in a Seven Stages washer/dryer. It's been manageable in parts, exhausting in some, but mainly painful.

I am thankful and I'm learning to let a lot of it go, but the hurt never goes away.